Jealous
by Believe-in-me123
Summary: She's my unhealthy muse, my addiction and my obsession. I should have ran when I had the opportunity but she stole my heart. Maybe I would have been better without her in my life. I wasn't her only one and I knew that. She made me feel crazy, maybe I was crazy.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey everyone! What's up you guys? It's been awhile hasn't it? Well, I'm back with another story. Yay! Anyways, I hope you all are doing well because I most certainly am! Let me know what you guys think. And review maybe? I would like some feedback, should I continue or just drop it? I hope you guys enjoy it!**

...

Everyone calls me crazy, stupid and just plain stubborn. I'm just in love and maybe them three things everyone calls me but I don't care.

Who am I in love with you ask? A girl named Demi who is totally dysfunctional.

They all say the Rockstar is bad for me and if I told you I disagreed with them I would be lying.

I unknowingly gave my heart to someone who was forever doomed to be emotionally unavailable.

I'd like to think I'm special because she shows a somewhat different side with me but I doubt I'm anything special to her.

A girl can still hope right?

I met her through my best friend Taylor who now tries to keep me away from her. Ironic how she wanted me to meet her and now she tries everything in her power to convince me to stay away from Demi.

Demi though, no one knows her like I do. She comes to me when something makes her angry. She comes to me when something excites her which is very rare when it comes to her. She comes to me for _everything_.

I feel really flattered considering she has many people wrapped around her finger. And I was one of them many people.

She isn't what people consider a 'thot' these days. But she does get around. Of course she has her standards set. She wouldn't randomly hook up with just anyone.

They had to have a certain sex appeal about them. And I noticed she goes after dark haired and dark eyed people. They are mostly models like myself.

I remember the time we first hooked up. It happened out of no where. I wasn't expecting it but I didn't stop her advances. Which I should have but I was too into the moment to care about how it would effect me.

She freaked out the day after because she stayed with me. She wasn't the type to stay and snuggle after a sexpisode.

After that night our friendship never really been the same. I was pretty much like every other person she had wrapped around her finger. Except I no longer crossed that line of sex anymore.

That was six months ago and she still begs for quickies but I refuse her advances. As hard as it may be, I can turn her down but my will against her is thinning as the days go by.

I never ask her where she goes after we hangout or before she comes over because I know the answer already. She always smelt like a mixture of women's perfume and her breathe smelt of Jack Daniels.

Crossing that invisible line I drew between us would do much harm to me. I can't do it again because my heart is now in it while hers is absent in this equation of 'us'.

We aren't together anyways so I have no say so over her. She told me awhile back she wasn't the type to bring home to the parents. She would never be that person. She was the type that didn't want a relationship. She just wanted the benefits from it and not the commitment.

I may not be her only but at least I'm one. I tried being without for a week and lasted three days tops. Those were the worst three days ever. Without her I felt like an addict going through withdrawals. I was in physical pain without her.

Why am I still hanging on to her? Good question. There are a million reasons why I should give her up. But there is one huge reason I can't let her go. She has me trapped completely and I can't escape her but I don't mind.

Sometimes I question if she even has a heart but I seen the girl cry when a dog died in a movie we were watching before. At least I know she has a soft spot for dogs.

Out of everything in life that can ever happen though, a dog dying in a movie shows her vulnerability? It's sad when a dog dies in a movie but goodness! Out of everything else, she gets emotional over _that_?

"Hey Selena!" And here she comes in my house with that dumb smile of hers that I absolutely adore.

"What did you get me?" I asked when I noticed she was carrying a huge brown bag towards my kitchen counter.

"I got you some of your favorite things. It's a form of an apology because I forgot to call you last night. I was um..busy." She put the bag on my counter before turning around and smiling at me.

I really wish she would stop smiling at me, it would help me not want to jump on her and kiss her until we both can't breathe.

And I knew exactly why she was busy but I didn't question it, "It's fine really." I reassured her with a small shrug to my shoulders. My eyes widened when she took out a huge jar of pickles, "You're amazing." She told me as she walked past me to throw away the brown bag.

She still had that same smell on her, Jack Daniels and a mixture of perfume. It didn't surprise me honestly but it reminded me that I was just another girl to her.

I made my way to the counter and slid the food over before hoping on top it. Which I really shouldn't have because flashbacks in this particular spot of me and Demi having sex went through my mind.

"So, I was thinking.." Demi trailed off walking to me slowly like a predator.

A really sexy predator.

She looked at the clock on my stove and back to me, "We should watch a movie and just chill until I have to leave. I got to do something."

And we all know what that 'something' is or should I say someone? Another meaningless fling to her.

"Sounds good to me." She placed her hands on both sides of me and I looked down at her.

She had a glint in her eyes and she looked different. Not bad different, but just...different. I didn't know what she was thinking and she didn't know what I was thinking.

Me not knowing what was running through her mind scared me. She scared me.

She gave me that charming smile of hers that warmed every area of my body. Is it getting hot in here or is it just me? Whew damn...

Demi leaned in and stepped on her tip toes to kiss my cheek gently and then my forehead.

I didn't care if she smelt like them other women, I was hers and she was mine right now.

I was going to take what I can get it right now without crossing the line.

I ran my hands up her back and she let out a shaky breath against the corner of my lips. I can't think straight with her this close to me. I especially can't breathe. The air around me was thick and I was suffocating under her touch that always sends chills down my spine.

I continued to bring my hands up to her neck that was hot to the touch and moved my left hand into her dark brown hair that was soft.

Her lips hovered over mine as my breathing became jagged. Her lips were barely touching mine, she wasn't yet initiating the kiss. But she was rubbing her lips against mine gently breathing against them driving me insane.

Her hands went up my tank top from the back and her cold hands pressed into my back pulling me towards her.

Her breathing became heavier the longer she held off with initiating the kiss fully.

She pulled me to her with her hands pressed against her back and she pressed her body into mine finally initiating the kiss with much desire radiating off it.

I felt her chest rise and fall against mine every time she let out jagged breath against my lips before she would kiss me again.

When I kissed her back, that was when I heard let out a whimper. I honestly never heard her let out that kind of sound before but I'm definitely not complaining.

Maybe..just maybe I have the same effect on her as she does me. But then again maybe not.

I'm not her only one after all. I'm just one of her many. I'm nothing special to her.

I felt her hands move to the front of my stomach causing it to flip, "I love you." I breathed out against her lips.

That wasn't the first time I told her that either. The first time I admitted them words she didn't really act differently towards me. I honestly don't think it clicked in her head that I really do love her, like in love with her kind of love and that I would do anything just to have her to myself with no one in between.

I can't ask her for that though because it would scare her off.

"I know." She whispered out against my lips before attaching them again.

I swear my lips are bruised right now but I don't care.

I felt her hands move up more towards the top of the cup of my bra. When I felt her squeeze the material and my boob, I knew right then that I had to stop before I crossed the line with her.

"Demi.." I took my hand out of her hair and my hand off of her back and placed them on her shoulders so I could push her back some.

I opened my eyes feeling beyond flustered and I knew I looked dazed. My hands were still on her shoulders as we both tried to catch our breath, "I can't.." I breathed out before looking up at her.

She looked dazed and she had a slight smirk across her lips.

She leaned into me again and smiled against my lips before kissing me gently, "So the movie.." She trailed off with that beautiful smile of hers backing away from me with her thumb pointed to my living room.

...

"He is so adorable." I gushed out when I seen Liam Hemsworth on my TV.

Demi scrunched her nose up at the TV, "He is alright I guess but I'm more adorable." I looked from the TV to Demi who had her bottom lip poked out looking at me.

"Eh, I guess." I joked causing her to throw a pillow at my face, "He is the most adorable though because he has that Australian accent and he is so charming." I continued removing the pillow and putting it under my head.

Demi placed her hands on my feet that were laid out on her lap, "It's always the fucking accents." She shook her head before rubbing my sock covered feet, "I'm charming though right?" She was serious so I couldn't laugh even though I really wanted to.

"You swoop me off my feet with your egotistic ways and beautiful smile. So I guess that is considered charming." I said rather sarcastically.

She gave me that dumb smile of hers again that made me weak.

"So I went to Victoria secret yesterday and I nearly jumped out of my boots." She started as if she was telling this huge story, "There standing beside me was this most beautiful cut out board of a girl in her bra and underwear."

She grinned at me before continuing, "Turns out that cardboard was of you. I was going to tote you off over my shoulder because I wanted you all to myself."

She winked at me as her grip on my feet got stronger, "But I decided against it because I didn't want it to be in bold news that the Rockstar 'Demi Lovato' was caught running off with a cardboard of the Victoria Secret model, 'Selena Gomez'."

She started laughing as I just shook my head at her with a small smile, "Imagine that shit!" She grinned at me, "What I'm imagining right now is your short ass self with my cut out getting ran down by security in the mall." I laughed at the thought, "Try explaining that to the public eye."

She shrugged, "The explanation is simple, you're fucking gorgeous. Anyone in their right mind would agree with me." She was now looking down at me and the look she was giving me seemed so possessive and I can see the desire burning in her eyes but I know I have to resist her.

There is a lot of sexual tension between us, there always has been ever since that first night we hooked up.

Demi was like my own personal drug. If I go too long without her I'll go insane and when I have her I'm content but if I have too much of her she will destroy me.

I shouldn't have allowed her to come near me after that night we hooked up. Because like a drug, when you take doses of it at a time it will hurt you in the long run. I didn't know how much she could hurt me at the time and even now but I was blinded by my own love for her.

They say love is the cure to all things. What if it's the destroyer of all things? It is in my case.

My career.

My personal life.

My heart.

My self-confidence.

My morals.

They all went in a downward spiral because of her, but I didn't care. She was all I wanted at the end.

She was my addiction, my unhealthy muse, my obsession and my world.

"I have to go." She broke our intense stare down when her phone went off, "I'm late." She rushed out.

I knew not to stop her because I knew she had someone else to see. After all, I wasn't her only one. I was just one of her many, "Bye, I'll call you tonight." She quickly kissed my lips not giving me enough time to kiss her back.

I doubt she was going to call me tonight.

And just like that, she was gone in a blink of an eye.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys! Thank you for the reviews/favorites/follows! You guys are awesome. I got some feedback and I've decided to continue on with the story. (Review responses below) I'll try to update once a week. I'm super busy with college, double majoring can really kick your ass physically. It's exhausting on top of work but oh well (: I'm loving it. Enough with my rambling. Let me know what you guys think of this update. It will motivate me to update faster most likely. Anyways, I hope you all are doing well! Sorry if there are any mistakes, I tried to fix them all. But I'm human and screw up a lot. Enjoy!**

...

I often question myself how long I can go with loving someone who doesn't love me back. When will I ever draw more lines between us and say enough is enough?

The truth is, I don't think I can ever draw more lines between us. I need some affection from her to keep me sane. Without her, I can kiss my sanity goodbye.

They say you don't get over your first love, Nick was my first love and my first for everything but I got over him in no time.

But with Demi, there is no way to escape her. If I wanted to move on from her, which I really don't, I honestly believe I couldn't. I'm trapped and I really don't care.

I was standing in front of the wooden door to Joe's log cabin that was in the middle of the woods. The trees were naked and the wind made a whistling noise around me. The rocking chair on the front deck I was standing on was rocking due to the wind.

I had to admit, the setting was very eerie and rather unsettling but I am here for one reason and one reason only so I couldn't back out because my surroundings were creepy.

I know I'm going behind my best friend's back to hangout with Demi but Nick and Joe invited me over. Demi was going and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to see her.

The front door opened and I was met with a familiar set of brown eyes that I haven't seen in only God knows how long.

"You look beautiful Selena." Nick complimented taking my hand as I came in Joe's log cabin and I couldn't help but blush.

Getting complimented from a good looking guy or girl was flattering really, "Thanks, you don't look too bad yourself."

He smiled at me in response and led me through the huge wooden cabin that had a strong aroma of cinnamon and crisp apples. It was a very appeasing smell that filled the warm arm all around us making it a touch more welcoming than the outside that was very hair-raising and spine-chilling.

"Taylor is going to meet up with us later tonight. She said you weren't going to make it because you had a modeling project going on. What happened to that?" He asked confused.

I should have known Taylor was going to come tonight. Now she is going to know I lied to her and she is going to be pissed.

"I figured I could put off the project for a while." I lied.

Nick nodded his head as he opened the back screen door, "Well, it looks like Nick brought in one sexy chick tonight for his date." Joe slurred out as he staggered towards us.

Yep.

He was definitely drunk.

"Dude.." Nick smacked Joe in the stomach with his freehand making him hunch over and groan, "It's Selena." Nick gruffed out as he shook his head at Joe.

"Oh.." Joe smiled at me sheepishly before straightening back up, meanwhile Demi passed us but not before looking me up and down smiling to herself, "Hot damn Selena! You have gotten hot. Why did you let her go bro?"

Me and Nick rolled our eyes and let I go of his hand, "When you get sober come talk to me." I pinched Joe's flushed cheek and sauntered back into the house to search for Demi.

I ended up spotting Demi near the fireplace crouching down as she was jabbing at the fire with a pick, "I didn't think you would show up tonight." She spoke out not taking her eyes off the fire that caused them to become a lighter shade of brown.

"I couldn't stay away from you for too long, I'll go crazy. But then again, I don't think I can go crazy since I'm already there." I confessed smiling a little before leaning my shoulder against the wooden wall.

She looked up from the fire to me smiling and right then I knew she was sober. She had that twinkle in her eyes and she seemed to have a calm vibe about her. I haven't seen her sober since the morning she woke up next to me and freaked out.

"Unfortunately for me I have that effect on everyone I come across." She took a seat in front of the fireplace and patted the spot on the wooden floor next to her, "Come sit with me for a while and enjoy the fire." She looked at the fire again waiting for me to sit by her.

Without a second thought, I strolled my way towards Demi.

When I sat down leaving some space between us, she looked at me questionably and then her expression turned rather smug, "You are wearing the perfume I bought you." She told me knowingly, "You smell really good." She added looking into the fire again that was keeping us warm.

She slid over to close the space between us and gave me a warm smile, "So you been okay? How has everything been with modeling?" She questioned with much interest.

"I'm fine, I have a couple of projects coming up that are going to keep me busy for a while but I don't mind. How you been?"

"I could be better and I could be worse." She shrugged her shoulders, "I'll be okay though, I have a lot going on but I'm handling it by not handling it if you know what I mean."

"You want to talk about it?" She shook her head letting out a deep slow breath, "Don't take it personally Selena. But I just rather not talk about it, but thanks though."

She offered me a small smile, "So, are you going to go out with me and the three stooges tonight or are you going to stay here and play housewife by yourself?" She questioned changing the subject.

"I really think you, Taylor and Joe are considered the three stooges." I assured her, "Oh is that so?" She let out a small giggle and I nodded my head in response, "Nick on the other hand is the rational one, that's why I dated him. He was very mature for a teenage boy back then." I recalled.

She looked at me surprised, "You actually dated Nick?" She gasped out.

I nodded my head smiling at little at the memories me and Nick shared together.

"What happened to you two if you don't mind me asking?" She inquired looking into the fire again

"I guess the love we pretty much had faded. We didn't fight for what we had left and it just got to the point where we felt nothing for each other and we became strangers to one another."

She nodded her head taking in the information, "I hate that it didn't work out for you two. He is a good guy, I respect him a whole lot."

I can't believe this is coming from the same girl who tries to get into my pants every time I'm around. But then again, Demi is a total different person when she is sober, I prefer her like this.

She didn't smell like alcohol or other women. She wasn't being cocky, she was being genuine. I wonder how many people know this side of Demi? Or is it just me?

"He is a good guy." I agreed, "But he isn't what I want anymore."

She was staring intently into the fire trying to put it out before the guys came into the house, "Okay! We're ready!" Joe screamed out as he stumbled to the front door with a set of keys in his hand, "He isn't driving is he?" I questioned Nick apprehensively.

I couldn't even imagine what would would happen if we let Joe drive.

Nick laughed when Joe opened the door on himself hitting his forehead in the process, "No way." He chuckled out taking the keys from Joe, "I am." He reassured me showing the keys.

"Give me the keys!" Joe slurred out whining, "No dude, you can't walk. And you can't even speak properly. Your words are slurring."

Nick watched Joe in amusement as he got closer to his face looking at him annoyed, "I'm speaking in cursive." He defended himself, thumping Nick's chest with his middle finger.

Demi laughed and got up offering her hands to me, "If you two girls are done bitching I would like to go out now." Demi told them.

...

It was weird being in a public place with many celebrities at once. I was a model and I wasn't even used to this many cameras being in my face all at once like this.

It was ridiculous how relentless these paparazzi were being. It was question after question and comment after comment.

We couldn't hardly move on the sidewalk and I could tell Demi was getting pissed. She wasn't the best with the paparazzi and that wasn't a secret either. She had a few rough patches with them in the past.

Joe was trying his best to cover up that he was drunk so he wore glasses and kept his mouth shut as he put his arm over Nick's shoulder to keep from stumbling.

Nick on the other hand was very calm with the paparazzi, he didn't answer any questions but he did at least smile at them.

I on the other hand was covering my face up with my hand as my arm was linked through Demi's.

I knew she was half a second away from cussing out the paparazzi. I wasn't surprised when she pushed a camera away from our faces making the man stumble back.

We quickly entered a building where the lights changed from red, blue and then to green. The music was blaring from the speakers where the DJ booth was.

The song playing was 'We Can't Stop' by Miley.

I met the girl a couple of times but we never really had time to get close. The girl gets all kinds of 'shade' because of her actions under the spotlight. I honestly don't know how she handles it but she does and that's all that really matters.

Demi was leading us to a table towards the back, it was crowded so we all had to hold hands. Luckily, no one really recognized them because the club was extremely packed.

When we got to the table, Demi let me in first and she slid in next to me. I was thankful that the music wasn't as loud over here and it wasn't as crowded, "You three want anything to drink?" Nick asked us.

Demi ended up climbing over Joe who was now sobering up so she could get her own drinks, "I'm fine." I reassured Nick, "You want a lemonade then instead?"

He knew me too tell. Well, we did date for three years so of course he would know what I liked.

"That actually sounds good."

He left and Joe looked towards my direction and I couldn't really tell if he was actually looking at me or not, "What's going on with you and Demi? You two seem very cozy with one another."

Was it obvious that something was going on between me and Demi? Not that I was keeping it a secret or anything.

"Nothing really. Nothing that I want to happen anyways." I told him dejectively.

He offered me a small smile, "You won't be sulking in your misery for long because when I get on that dance-floor, shit is going to be happening." He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Oh gosh.." I let out a small giggle and put my hand on his chest, "Spare me from such sight Joe. I still can't get your dance to 'Single Ladies' out of my head." I grimaced and shivered at the thought.

"Hey! I was doing it for the fans." He defended himself.

"Sure you were buddy." I patted his chest.

"I took a sip to make sure they didn't put anything in it Sel." Nick informed me sitting down the tall clear glass of lemonade in front of me.

"It looks like you took more than a sip." I laughed out examining the half filled up glass.

Nick grinned at me and sat down, "Where is Demi?" I wondered looking around but seen no sign of her, "She was at the bar the last time I seen her." Nick told me before drinking the coke he had gotten himself.

"Hey guys!" I swallowed hard and sunk into the seat, "And Selena?" I smiled at Taylor sheepishly and she raised an eyebrow at me in return.

Oh yeah...she is pissed at me.

Nick slid over and she sat next to him still looking at me with a raised eyebrow, "So, how did that project go for you Selena?" Taylor questioned with an attitude but the boys didn't pick up on it of course.

"She put it off so she could come see us." Nick answered for me.

Oh how I wished he didn't because if looks could kill I would be six foot under by now, "I'm sure she did." Taylor rolled her eyes at me.

I couldn't really blame her for being angry at me. It's not that I'm hanging out with Demi but the fact that I lied to her.

I saw Demi from the distance stumbling over to us with a girl on her arms. I recognized the girl as one of my colleagues at 'Victoria Secret'.

I sighed and tore my eyes away from Demi and towards Nick, Joe and Taylor who were engaged in conversation, "Can you two scoot over so Selena can sit next to me?" Taylor asked them politely.

Nick and Joe scooted over and I climbed over them to sit next to Taylor, "I'm really pissed at you but I'm willing to forgive you if you talk to someone else who isn't Demi. You got all these people in here." Taylor gestured towards everyone on the club, "Have open options and don't settle for someone who isn't willing to give you all of them."

She hugged me from the side making me feel like the worst person ever for lying to her, "Hey ladies and gents!" Demi screamed out as her words slurred drastically.

She slid in next to Nick and the girl that I work with named Nicole slid in next to her.

"This is Natalie everyone." I let out a loud laugh causing Taylor and Nick to give me questionable looks, "Her name is Nicole." I corrected Demi who had her arm thrown over the girl.

Demi chugged her beer that she brought over with her and put it down on the table, "Names are a very important thing to remember Demi." Nick told her shaking his in disapproval.

"I won't need to remember her name." Demi grinned, "She knows my name and that's all that matters. She will be saying it a lot tonight.." She smirked at Nicole who was completely starstruck over her.

I rolled my eyes, "Oh my gosh!" Joe jumped up startling us all in the process, "I love this song!" He screamed out with his hands in the air as 'Single Ladies' came over the speakers, "I gotta dance!"

He jumped up on the table and quickly hopped off, "Someone dance with me!" He begged as he did some motions to the dance amusing us all.

Me and Taylor looked at Nick who was sipping on his coke, "What?" He asked nervously and we both grinned at him, "Go dance!"

He shook his head causing me to pout, "Please, it will be funny!" I pleaded.

He sighed and smiled at me giving in, "You always got me into the craziest things." He kissed the top of my head in a friendly manner before hoping over the table to meet up with Joe so they could dance.

A lot of girls began screaming when Joe and Nick danced in front of them. Them two are absolute nuts.

I chose to take no notice of Demi as of right now because there was no use in talking to her when she wrapped up in another one of her flings.

"Hello ladies." A man with a British accent smiled at us nervously, "The name is Peter, may I get you two lovely ladies something to drink?"

Taylor and I looked at each other dreamily because of his accent. I swear it was both of our weaknesses.

"Yes please." Taylor answered for us, "Of course." He grabbed each of our hands and kissed the back of both of them before leaving.

"I think you should try to talk to him Sel, he is freaking gorgeous."

I heard Demi scoff, "Gorgeous? He looks like a fucking mama's boy with that sweater vest he has on."

I looked at Demi whose eyes were bloodshot and back to Taylor who was looking annoyed at her comment, "Maybe he is a mama's boy or maybe he isn't but his accent was absolutely amazing." I gushed out.

"Them fucking accents!" She cursed out laughing.

"Here you go ladies." He sat us down some cocktails he got from the bar, "M-May I join you two?" He stuttered out.

Taylor got out so he could sit between us.

"I'm such a huge fan of you two." He confessed looking at us with starstruck eyes, "Selena, I have posters in my room of you everywhere."

He blushed at his own confession, "And uh, I have all of your albums." He told Taylor and you could tell he was embarrassed, "I'm s-sorry. My m-mom told me to come over and introduce myself. I-I thought I can do it but I can't." He squeaked out climbing over Taylor to get out.

Me and Taylor looked at each other with raised eyebrows while Demi laughed her ass off, "Fucking dude had his mom play matchmaker from afar. I told you he was a mama's boy."

Demi shook her head grinning before tuning in to Nicole who was now kissing her neck, "Ow..ow..ow." I heard Nick let out as he held his butt walking to us.

"What happened to you?" I giggled out as he stepped over us to sit down, "I moved my butt too much and I think I broke my butt bone." He explained before wincing in pain when he sat down, "So...freaking..tired!" Joe exclaimed coming to us out of breath.

He stepped over me and Taylor purposely putting his butt in my face, "Gross!" I chuckled out pushing his butt out of my face.

I couldn't help but notice when Demi and Nicole left the table, "You should try to be happy, it's a beautiful look on you."

He put his arm over my shoulder, "I say this because I care." He said near my ear, "Whatever you have with Demi, you need to let it go. She isn't good for your mental health." He kissed my temple in a friendly manner keeping his arm over my shoulder.

Why are they telling me that I should let go of Demi? It's not like I have a choice. I didn't choose to love her, it just happened.

They can keep telling me all this stuff but I won't listen. They are probably right about her not being good for my mental health but I just didn't care.

The rest of the night at the club, we didn't see Demi again.

...

I took my heels off at the front door and told the guys goodnight before walking and making my way upstairs with my heels in my hand. Well more like stumbled because I was kind of intoxicated from them mixed drinks. I was surprised that I still could wear my heels considering I could barely walk straight.

I kept my hand on the wall to keep my footing until I made it to the guest room I was sleeping in for tonight.

When I got in the room, I instantly began unzipping my dress from the back, "It's my lucky night, I get a free show."

I jumped up startled causing my dress to fall since it was unzipped.

I turned around and noticed Demi was laying on the bed in her pajamas with a lazy grin spread across her lips, "Fuck Demi!" I exclaimed feeling my heart beat violently against my chest.

Her grin turned into a smirk as she looked me up and down while sitting up, "Yes. Yes you should."

I rolled my eyes at her, "You are impossible." I mumbled picking the dress up off of the floor. I didn't care if she seen me in my bra and underwear, most of America has seen my body in magazines so it wasn't a big deal for me.

"When are we going to handle our 'little' issue?"

"Our issue?" She nodded her head as I began hanging my dress up on a hanger I found in the closet, "I'm not the one with the issue in this room." I retorted.

I couldn't see her reaction because my back was turned to her but she let out a giggle, "What are you insinuating Selena? Are you saying I'm the one with the issue in here?"

"I'm not insinuating anything Demi but if the shoe fits, lace that bitch up and wear it." I replied dryly hanging up the dress in the closet, "Someone is being hostile." She sung out giggling again.

I loved her but I was getting pretty frustrated just having her in the same room as me. I don't know why I was being such a bitch to her.

Maybe it was because tonight was the first time I actually seen her flirting with a girl or being all touchy.

I know her game and I know what she does, I just never seen it with my own eyes.

But I still choose to love her. I love the girl I talked to in front of the fireplace. That's the real Demi. I still love her when she was intoxicated even though she was a piece of work.

I ran my fingers down my red dress feeling the silk material, "Are you mad at me?" She wrapped her arms around me from behind resting her chin on top of my shoulder which was a bad idea considering I was slightly intoxicated.

Surprisingly she kept both of us balanced, "If I was would it even matter to you?"

She sighed allowing some of her breath to hit the side of my neck causing me to shiver, "Everything matters when it comes to you." She confessed which really confused me because I thought I was just another girl to her, "But can we just have sex tonight? You won't regret it." She begged before kissing my neck and I almost gave into her right then.

Manipulation.

She did it well.

The line I drew between us was almost erased and my will to resist her was wearing thin as she continued to kiss my neck, "Demi.." She hummed against my neck causing chills to appear all over my body, "I can't." I resisted before getting out of her hold and stumbling to the bed without looking at her.

"Of course you can't." She groaned out annoyed, "How could I forget?"

I rolled my eyes and threw myself on the bed feeling something underneath me that was soft and fluffy.

I reached under me feeling the bed dip when Demi sat at the edge of it.

I pulled the item I laid on top of and was surprised to see a teddy bear. I had a particular teddy bear when I was a kid up until I was sixteen. I seriously wanted to cry because it looked just like my old teddy bear.

"I couldn't help but remember what you told me awhile back. You said that you had an obsession with a green bear as a child. It was taken away from you by your high school bully and she burned it."

She laughed a little at my obsession, "It's a little weird to have an obsession still with bears in high school but that bully had no right to take away your bear and burn it. Anyways, I tried my hardest to find one on eBay for you and I found a similar one to the one you told me you had. Which is that little guy."

She nodded towards the bear I was now clinging on to like a child, "I went home and I noticed a box on my doorstep. I knew it was the bear so I had to come back here and give it to you before the night was over."

"Why did you want to do that for me?" I asked in a small voice because I was getting emotional over the bear and because Demi did such an amazing thing for me.

She shrugged her shoulders and began taking my hair out of my bun I had up, "Because, I love it when you smile and I knew getting that bear would get you to do that." She confessed running her fingers through my hair relaxing me.

"Thank you, I love it."

"I figured you would." She got up to turn my lamp off, I felt like such a kid right now, "That's why I was in here by the way. I didn't want a quickie, all though that would have been nice.." She trailed off giggling and right before she turned the lamp off I threw a pillow at her.

"Thanks, I needed a pillow anyways." I couldn't help but giggle at her, "Goodnight Selena."

I couldn't tell where she was but I knew she was nowhere near me, "What? No goodnight kiss?" I probably sounded really needy but I really didn't care, "No quickie for me means no kissie for you." I heard her laughter ring through out the cabin.

I turned on my side holding the green bear to my chest that smelt like Demi. I think she purposely sprayed her perfume on it or something.

I didn't know Demi's intentions.

Was she really wanting me to be happy or did she want to manipulate me so I would cross that nearly faded line?

Sometimes I wish I could read her mind and know what's going through it. But then again, maybe I don't. She was the most complicated person in the world and I was runner-up.

...

**Review Responses:**

**JaiHololove: Hi :D of course I'll continue! I hope you enjoy the rest of this story as I continue updating. Thanks for reviewing!**

**Sharon: Hey there! And thanks! I hope it is something that will keep you interested to the point you want to keep reading. I hope you are doing well. Thanks for reviewing! **

**Guest: I'm glad you are enjoying this story. I post on here and on there but thank you for the advice :D I would have taken it if I didn't post on wattpad. And your English is perfectly fine! No worries :D thank you for reviewing!**

**DixieLovez: Awe thanks! I'm glad you loved it. I have a lot in store for them two. This is probably going be a little better than my other stories in my opinion. I hope you're doing well! Thanks for reviewing!**

**Jessica: Thank you for saying it was amazing. And of course I'm going to continue(: I just hope you continue to enjoy it. Thanks for reviewing. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A:N: Hey everyone! I'm pretty exhausted from the long week I've had. College, work, traveling and now I'm going to be helping my friend with voices with songs she has written. So technically you can say I'm going to be in a tiny little studio singing my ass off with her but I'm super excited about that. I just wanted you guys to know that because it will take me awhile to update due to my packed schedule. I hope you guys are doing great! Thank you for the reviews/follows/favorites. They are very much appreciated! I hope you all enjoy this update. I've tried to catch all my mistakes. Sorry if there are still some left. Enjoy you guys and review maybe?**

**(Review Responses below)**

...

Have you ever felt like you were waiting for something that was never going to happen? But thanks to that little hope you have and that tiny voice in your head saying 'maybe' you still choose to grasp on to that certain something? Or in my case, a certain someone?

These last seven complexing months I've known Demi, I've instituted a false sense of hope. I felt the desire to become her one and only but due to her actions and choices she has made, that is impossible.

There is one out of a million chances that a girl like me would get a girl like Demi to become steady.

I know life isn't a fairy-tale but I just want a happy ending as much as the next girl. The happy ending I want is with Demi, I want all of her and not just part of her.

But like I said before, I'll take what I can get even if it's only a part of her. I may be crazy to love someone unhinged as Demi but I don't care. She makes my mind hazy and I can't think straight because she is all I think about. Day in and day out.

I grasp on to that one chance out of a million because I still cling on to that tiny hope that she will want me like I want her.

But, I'm nothing special, I'm just a small town girl who got blessed with a chance to do modeling right after I graduated high school. I honestly never wanted to do modeling but ever since I was in diapers, my mom had me participating in every beauty pageant and I was instantly recognized by big modeling agencies.

I never really figured it out, I never really figured out who I was meant to be. I had people telling me how to live my life and I just went with the flow.

One thing they can't tell me what to do and that is to stay away from Demi.

I rather go blind than to deprive myself from her.

I was casually sipping on some cheap champagne in my recliner in the dark with the green teddy bear in my arms while Demi's 'Unbroken' album was blaring through my speakers from each corner of the room.

It was personally my favorite album because it revealed her vulnerable side. I wish she would sing more songs like she did before everything came crashing down for her.

She doesn't write her own songs anymore but she sings other songs written by other artist.

No one knows what has happened to Demi in the last year or so. She keeps her personal life under wraps unlike her career.

Her so called 'screw ups' always get pointed out. As much as she gets 'shade' from everyone in the business, I'm surprised she hasn't cracked or had a meltdown.

I don't point out Demi's screw ups. Sure, she can get aggressive with paparazzi but she is only human much like everyone else.

Sometimes, I feel as if the paparazzi get in Demi's face just so she would snap on them and stoop to physical aggression that way they can file a lawsuit against her.

If you ask me, I think that's pretty pathetic on their behalf.

I was supposed to be getting ready for my double date with Taylor. I didn't want to go obviously considering my current relaxing situation.

I had no interest in going out on a date with this mystery guy Taylor was setting me up with but I'm doing it just so she will get off my back about Demi. I appreciate Taylor's effort in getting me to go out with someone to get over Demi but she is just wasting her time.

The man was supposed to pick me up in about five minutes, and here I was, I was in my sweat pants and my old school hoodie I got my senior year.

My doorbell rung throughout my home annoying me, all I wanted to do tonight was listen to Demi sing and drink my champagne.

I turned down the radio with the remote that was on the glass table in front of me, "I'm coming!" I screamed out as I got up.

I slowly and dreadfully made my way to the front door.

When I opened it, I got a huge whiff of a familiar fragrance that nearly took my breath away. But what did take my breath away was the girl who was in front of me that the strong aroma of alcohol was coming from.

She swayed from side to side from being intoxicated and that was totally suspected. But what was unsuspected, she looked completely grief-stricken and distressed.

Tears were brimming in her brown bloodshot eyes that were gazing back into mine. Her breathing was shaky and uneven.

The sight caused my heart to feel like it twisted in my chest. The heartbreaking sensation in my chest carried on through-out my body making it ache.

I didn't know what to say, and I didn't know what to do because I have never witnessed this side of Demi.

But before I could even attempt to think of anything to say, she clung on to me and let out the most heartbreaking whimper I've ever heard.

Confused, I swiftly wrapped my arms around her now shaking body and held her securely to me, "Don't say anything." She whispered out against my neck giving me instant chills.

I did what she asked me to do and I never asked what was wrong because I knew she wouldn't tell me.

I couldn't tell you how long I was holding her but she was the first one to pull back and I seen so much pain in her eyes. My breath got caught in my throat and my mind became hazy when she rested her forehead on mine with her eyes closed.

I resisted the urge to kiss her because I knew she was in a vulnerable state of mind, "I don't know what I'm doing." She sniffled and let out a shaky breath against my lips.

I wonder what has gotten this beautiful woman so upset?

I wish she would open up to me so I could help her out.

I felt helpless because I couldn't take the one I love away from the cause of her emotional torment.

I placed my hands on her warm cheeks causing her to open her eyes and look into mine, "What's going on Demi? Talk to me please." I begged.

As soon as she opened her mouth to talk, a voice from behind her got our attention, "Um, excuse me. Selena?"

Demi tore herself away from me and she looked at the guy who was holding out a bouquet of white roses which were my favorite, "Oh hey." I gave him a forced smile, "Do you still need to get ready for our date?"

Demi raised an eyebrow at me and I couldn't help but notice that the tears were no longer held in her eyes. She was like an actress, she pushed back the tears and her emotions were hid behind a mask.

The feeling of awkwardness took over my concern for Demi as I scratched the back of my neck, "Um, yeah. Just give me one minute. You can come in if you want." I awkwardly offered.

He nodded his head and hesitantly came in, "What's wrong with what she has on? I think she looks gorgeous." Demi complimented as I ran to my bedroom to get ready.

Leave it to Demi to make me blush profusely.

I quickly slipped on my red cocktail dress and silver heels. I wasn't planning on impressing the guy so I stuck with a ponytail and my basic makeup.

When I walked out of my room, I walked in on Demi giving the guy some guidelines as she fixed his tie like a mother would her son with one hand and in the other hand she had my glass of champagne, "Make sure you pay for the whole meal, pull her chair out and compliment her every chance you get okay?"

I raised an eyebrow at Demi and in return she just looked me up and down smirking to herself. Her whole demeanor changed from being vulnerable back to the hard interior and cocky Demi I know.

It was like the moment we had before didn't even happen by the way she was acting.

"And make sure your eyes are on hers and not her valley of sweet goodies."

Demi patted his cheek with her free hand completely embarrassing me, "I'll make my way out the door."

Demi sauntered out the door leaving me and my date alone in the house, "Um, these are for you." He presented the white roses in between us.

I felt really bad because I was preoccupied with Demi who was now outside of my home, "Um, thanks can you just set them in my vase." I pointed to a vase that was on my coffee table, "I'll be outside."

I dashed out the house before he could even say a word.

I was probably being rude but I had no interest in the man whatsoever.

I ran to Demi's car and she rolled her window down so we could talk, "I have heard of a runaway bride before, but not a runaway date." She teased me with that smile of hers that absolutely drives me insane, "You should ditch your date and come with me." Her eyes lit up with mischievousness at her own suggestion.

"You know I can't do that and you really shouldn't be driving Demi. You should call a cab or something." I tried reaching in her car for the glass of champagne she took but she pulled it away and out of my reach.

She shrugged her shoulders with an eye roll to follow, "Save your time and breath Selena, don't tell me what I should or shouldn't do. I get enough of that already." She grumbled out annoyed by my concern for her.

I decided to drop the conversation because I didn't want to argue with her, not tonight anyways, "Are you okay Demi?" I questioned concerned.

She gave me a small smile before looking down at my cleavage because I was bent over and resting my arms against her door, "Yeah, I'm fine." She let out a laugh that was very forceful, "Forget that even happened, I was being stupid."

She looked up and made eye contact with me as she shook her head, "I don't even know why I came over here in the first place."

Talk about a blow straight to the heart..

She sat up a little and gently kissed the skin that covered my slowly beating and aching heart. That one simple kiss against my chest made all the aching in my heart disappear and become replaced by a fluttering sensation.

It's funny how she can send a dagger straight to my heart and soon after she can do a simple action that makes my heart flutter and no longer ache.

She pulled away and gave me that charming smile of hers, "I love it when you wear that perfume I bought you."

And for a moment I saw a glint of vulnerability held in her eyes that were captivating me, "You might get cold tonight."

She reached in her backseat and pulled out her leather jacket she always wears, "It's my job to keep you warm, so I want you to wear this tonight since I can't be there." She winked as she handed me the jacket that I immediately put on.

She fixed the jacket for me while keeping eye contact, "You are fucking gorgeous." She whispered out and I seen that glint of mischievousness in her eyes once again.

She was such a flirt so I couldn't really tell if she was being genuine. She probably tells all the girls that they are gorgeous.

"By the way, I don't like this guy. He didn't compliment you once and he seemed to have a stick up his ass that needs to be surgically removed." She informed me with a grin and a giggle to follow.

"Demi.." I looked at her with a slight grin, "Is someone jealous?" I teased.

She pursed her lips acting like she was thinking and then turned her head to look at me, "Jealous of someone with a stick up their ass?" She scrunched her nose up in a adorable manner, "Nah, I don't think so." She laughed out shaking her head.

"You ready to go?"

I looked over my shoulder and seen my date head to his car, "Make sure to have her home by ten! I don't want to have to bend her over my knee and spank her!" Demi yelled out her window, "But then again you might like that." She winked at me and I couldn't help but hit her arm as I laughed.

When I hit her arm, her long sleeve shirt lifted up and I seen markings on her skin that I haven't seen before. I couldn't tell what they were but I don't think Demi knew I saw the markings because she didn't make a move to cover them.

"Enjoy your date." She smiled at me before backing up to leave.

I watched her leave and I couldn't shake the unsettling feeling at the pit of my stomach. The rest of the night I couldn't function or spit out a full sentence because my brain was fully on overload with worries and thoughts of Demi.

...

After that night, Demi seemed to be getting better which was rather confusing considering the breakdown she had that night. She was acting different towards everyone and she seemed to have no care in the world.

There was a new vibe about her, she was full of energy and life.

It scared me honestly because people who are usually depressed for a long period of time and all of a sudden get happy for no reason, they usually have a solution to all their problems.

And that solution would be permanent.

_Suicide._

It would absolutely kill me if she stooped down to that so called 'solution'.

The markings on her arm were gone, I never asked her about them. I probably should have but since they were gone, I wasn't worried about them anymore.

Me on the other hand, I was feeling completely drained from work and worrying about Demi. She always kept me on my toes, I didn't know what to expect from her.

She was very much unpredictable and she scared the shit out of me.

Taylor and my family have been trying to put it in my head that Demi is doing nothing but harm to me. They may be right but I don't care and I never will.

I was currently modeling on a yacht in the middle of a beach with a baby blue bathing suit on. I felt completely exposed to everyone around and it made me nauseated.

I used to be confident, and now my confidence was blown to hell for some reason. I felt empty and lifeless as I stood in front of the camera. I was pushing myself to get over the vulnerability I was feeling.

When the cameras began flashing I felt so tiny and fragile. It was totally the opposite of what I should feel, which is beautiful.

I felt the need to suck in my stomach, whiten my teeth more, get a face lift, get a boob job, an ass lift, and a lip injection.

"Okay, that's a wrap!" I let out a deep breath I didn't know I was holding in as everyone began wrapping up the camera equipment.

An assistant draped a robe over my shoulders and led me down to the lower deck where a party for us models was being held at. We dashed through the crowd and platters that hired caterers were holding out with food piled up on them.

My stomach growled just looking at all the food but I knew I had to resist it in order to fit in the clothes I was going to model for in a month or so.

Like most models in the business, I starved myself to look a certain way and I had to take laxatives for a quicker weight loss. It wasn't healthy but I had to do it. I already began losing weight and I was planning on continuing to do so.

Every time I put my jeans on they become looser and every time I put my shirt on it becomes more baggy. When I look in the mirror all I see is imperfection and I become more insecure.

I feel as if I'm not good enough for my career.

I'm not pretty enough to be loved.

I'm not good enough for anything.

I have worked my ass off to get where I am in my career and I feel no pride in myself. I feel as if I don't belong in this line of business but it's something that gives me a paycheck and keeps a roof over my head.

"Can you tell Demi to call me?" Nicole asked from beside me with a piece of paper held out to me, "I haven't heard from her and I guess she lost my number." She frowned.

Demi didn't lose her number, she purposely threw it away because she had no intentions on calling Nicole.

One night with the Rockstar and she gets you hooked.

Nicole is a victim much like myself except she doesn't have it as bad as I do when it comes to Demi though.

"Sure." I gave her a tiny forced smile and took the piece of paper from her, "That night was so amazing with her. She is so gentle and everything about her is so beautiful." She gushed out dreamily causing a pang in my chest to become very well recognized as heartache at its finest.

"I know." I let out quietly as I nodded my head in agreement.

I was stuck in a dilemma, I had the choice to throw away the piece of paper and have one less person in my way of Demi. Or, I could just give her the piece of paper and be the one to suffer the consequences. Meaning, I would sulk in my unhappiness and watch Demi suck Nicole into her game as she shows her the affection that I've been craving for awhile now.

I decided to give Demi Nicole's number because at the end of day, I'm the one who Demi goes to. The rest of the girls can't say that they have seen Demi's vulnerable or sober side but I can.

Maybe one day I can be something special to her but until then I'll be grasping on to that one chance out of a million.

...

**Review Responses:**

**Sharon:** **Thanks for saying it was an awesome chapter! I would respond to what you said but then again you might be confused as to what I'm saying lol. I don't want to confuse you so I'll try to keep this response short and sweet. Thank you for reviewing and thanks for reading! It's very much appreciated(: take care!**

**Jessica: Awe! I'm a good writer? Thanks! I appreciate that compliment. I will continue this but I'm getting super busy. I'll make time to write of course but it is going to take me a little bit to update. Thank you for reviewing and reading! I hope you continue to enjoy this story. Take care!(:**

**DixieLovez: Lol, you read my other fics several times? Well, I'm flattered then. I'm doing amazing! Thanks for asking. I'm trying to update as much as possible but life is keeping me busy. Oh well...it happens when you get old, lol. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Take care of yourself(: xx.**

**Guest282: Awe thanks! Your review made me super happy and it was very encouraging. I'm going to try my hardest to update as fast as possible because I have many ideas for this fic. I hope you will enjoy it as I continue to write this. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It means a whole lot. Take care(: **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Oh my gosh guys! Hi :D sorry for taking so long to update. It took longer than expected to update :( life keeps me busy these days. I need a break :O anyways, I hope you all are doing well! Thank you for reading you guys! It means a lot. I hope this update meets your expectations. If not, I'm sorry. Thank you for the reviews/follows/favorites. They are allll much appreciated. Review and let me know what you think! And let me know if you want to see something specific in this fic. Sorry if there are any mistakes, I tried fixing them all. Anyways, enjoy you guys! **

***Review Responses Below***

...

We all have our own little place we go to so we can unravel ourselves and drown in bliss and total comfort. Even if it's just for a moment.

Some people go to certain places to get a good view of the scenery around them. Some even resolve to going to a hobby to get that sense of perfect happiness and comfort.

My place is not a place nor hobby. It's the girl who puts her drunken arms around me and whispers sweet nothings in my ear, tempting me to give her what she wants.

I'm so close to letting her have all of me. My will against her was faltering and the line I drew between us was dangerously vanishing.

That same girl was now leaning against a wall with her arms wrapped around my waist securely. My back was pressed against her front and my hands were on top of her tattooed covered arms.

She was kissing my neck that was exposed to her. She was effortlessly sending chills down my body. The effect she had on me was insane. She was my addiction and just like a drug, she was dangerous to my well-being but at that moment I just didn't care.

I was completely intoxicated and every touch she sent to my body only intensified my senses greater. I was aching and craving for more of her gentle touches but I knew I couldn't cross that line.

I was getting glares sent my way from Nicole who invited Demi over to the party she threw. Demi invited me to go with her and of course I didn't want to miss out on an opportunity to spend more time with her. Especially if she was leaving for her UK leg of her tour tomorrow.

"We should go somewhere _alone_." She suggested, whispering in my ear. Her words lingered in my head echoing over and over again until it was just a mere whisper. Every single thing she did was making my mind even more hazy, I didn't need any alcohol to feel that way around her. She was just intoxicating.

She raised one of her arms up to tilt my head to the side so I could face her. One of her hands slid up my shaking and chill bump covered leg before hovering her lips over mine. She wasn't initiating the kiss and I wasn't either. I was too busy thinking about her body against mine and how right it felt.

My breath hitched in my throat when I felt her move her hand up to my upper thigh under my dress and squeeze gently. Her breath hit my lips and I couldn't help but let out a whimper.

She brushed her lips against mine gently before fully initiating the kiss. I couldn't help but let out a moan when her tongue swept across my bottom lip. She pulled away with a sly grin and that mischievously look in her eyes, "Let's go."

I nodded my head weakly. I wanted to say 'no' to her but my mind was a little bit hazy and I couldn't think straight.

My whole body felt heavy and it took a lot of energy to follow Demi to an unknown area as she pulled me by the wrist. We entered a room that was litted up by two lamps that barely gave off light.

I felt her warm and soft lips press against mine again. I was so distracted by her lips that I didn't notice her zipping my purple dress down from the back until it dropped on to the floor.

"Oh excuse me ladies.."

Demi groaned out annoyed and looked over her shoulder at one of my biggest regrets, "Get out of here you little fuck!" I leaned against Demi lazily and clung on to her because I was getting weak and because I didn't want to be seen by Justin.

"Whoa Demi.." Justin grinned when he seen me, "I see you got my sloppy seconds." He winked at me.

I couldn't tell if I had to puke because of motion sickness from being pushed on to the bed, or because Justin winked at me, or because of all the alcohol I indulged on.

I heard a loud smack followed by a loud cry, "My nose! You punched my nose! You bi-"

The door slammed in his face before he could even finish the sentence.

"I hate him." She gruffed out annoyed before climbing on top of me, "I think I made him cry though." Demi laughed out.

I smiled at her weakly, "That makes two of us then." Demi laughed even louder at my confession about making Justin cry, "He is my biggest regret."

She smiled down at me while running her fingers through my hair, "And me?" She wondered.

"You are runner up." I joked causing her mouth to fly open, "Demi, I don't have a dick so close your mouth."

She let out the loudest laugh that echoed throughout the room, "You are horrible Selena!" She smacked my arm gently, being careful not to hurt me.

"So, I'm your second biggest regret huh?" She asked completely serious, "No." I shook my head, "My second biggest regret.." I trailed off thinking, "I really don't have one."

She hummed in response before slowly kissing the side of my neck sending me into a state of ecstasy as her hands pinned my arms back so I couldn't touch her.

"I'm usually everyone's biggest regret." She mumbled against my skin, "Sorry to disappoint but I don't regret a single moment with you." I slurred out.

She giggled against my neck before kissing it again, "You say that now." She mumbled before pressing her lips against mine making me weaker by the second. It was like she was sucking the energy right out of me.

Everything inside of me was on fire and my heart was pounding violently in my chest. My body was being weighed down by anchors and I couldn't move a single muscle in my body.

"Demi.." I breathed out against her lips completely spent. It took all of my energy just to let her name roll off of my heavy tongue.

She hummed in response letting me know I got her attention.

I wanted to tell her to stop but I couldn't find the strength to speak. My eyes felt like weights were forcing them to close. I was slowly going out of conscious and the last thing I heard was her giggle. The last thing I felt was her lips pressed to my chest.

...

Confused.

Hurt.

Livid.

Those are the three things I felt the next morning in my bed.

I don't even remember coming home last night.

The last thing I remembered was me being underneath Demi.

I don't remember what happened but I had no clothes on whatsoever and every bone in my body felt stiff. So that I can only mean one thing, I crossed the line I drew between us.

I was livid.

It took one drunken night for her to break my will and cross that line.

She knew I couldn't resist her. She took my weakness to her advantage. She is my weakness and I'm so pissed at her. Mainly at myself for allowing her to cross them lines while I was intoxicated.

I remember nothing of last night. I knew I was going to eventually cross them lines and say yes to her. But not when I was drunk. I wanted to remember every vivid detail of her touch. I wanted to savor it in the back of my mind.

But I have not one single memory of her crossing the line. It was like it never happened because I had no memory of it and of course she wasn't beside me in my bed.

The only evidence I had was my nakedness and soreness. I mean I felt like I had rough sex the night before.

Shockingly, I was so pissed that I didn't even want to talk to her at this point. I felt like I was being taken advantage of in a whole different way.

My heart ached at the thought of her just taking advantage of my drunken state knowing good and well if I was sober I would have said 'no' to her.

I reached for my phone on my table causing the covers to slip off of my chest exposing my boobs and I instantly spotted a hickie on my left breast.

My phone was finally in my hands and I checked to see who all messaged me.

**Taylor: You ditched me last night to go to a party with Demi!? What the hell Selena?-9:19P.M.**

**Mom: Honey, I'm not feeling too well. Brian is taking me to the hospital. If you can, I'd like you to stay with me tonight-9:26P.M.**

**Taylor: I'm tired of being ditched. You are supposed to be my best friend Selena! By the way, I'm with your mom..she is fine. She has the flu but she still needs you!-10:55P.M.**

**Justin B.: Call me sometime. I miss ya cutie(;-2:57A.M.**

**Demi: Give me a call when you wake up (: I need to speak to you..I had fun last night by the way-7:46A.M.**

And the most horrible daughter and best friend award goes to..

I totally forgot about Taylor and I's plan to have a girls night out. I wouldn't blame her if she hated me now.

And my mom..she needed me and I wasn't even there for her.

I felt like the worst human being ever. I had to make it up to my mom and Taylor.

I decided to text Demi back a quick 'Fuck you' and I texted Taylor that I was coming to her house with coffee. I completely ignored Justin because he was irrelevant to me.

I got no response from Demi which was to be expected. Taylor gave me a short and simple 'K'.

I was planning on not talking to Demi.

It wouldn't effect her but me..I might as well say goodbye to my sanity.

...

Days passed by and I was on very thin ice with Taylor but we began hanging out like normal best friends do.

As for my mom, I was trying to be the best daughter ever by randomly popping in the hospital room to give her a visit.

I was suffering in silence. I was heartbroken and I was starving. I had to buy new clothes because my old ones hung off my body in an unattractive way.

No one paid attention to my suffering.

Place a smile on your face and hide your emotions behind a mask and everything will go smoothly for you besides your sanity.

I haven't heard from Demi in days and it was total torture. It would hurt less to walk a mile in shattered glass barefoot than to keep depriving myself from her.

I was still livid that she took advantage of me.

I never called her and she never texted me to ask what was wrong. I never expected her to. I was irrelevant to her.

I felt so bipolar when it came to her. One moment I felt one way and then the the next I felt a different way. I was either hurt and crying until my eyes became raw or I was livid to the point where I began pulling my hair and screaming out her name.

That was only behind doors.

What people seen was my happy usual self.

The truth was, I was a fucking mess without her.

I felt like I had no purpose in life, she was the only thing I knew that made me happy.

It was about two months into her tour and two months into my torture when I got some news that made me feel uneasy.

Of course, it was about Demi.

I got the news from Nick while I was in the studio with him that his brother Kevin owned.

"Have you heard about Demi?" He asked me skeptically as he went through his phone.

"No, what about her?" I asked trying to keep up my careless facade. But I really cared, I was dying to know about her.

Nick looked up from his phone and scratched the back of his neck letting out a sigh before speaking, "She got three DUI's while in UK and on top of that she punched a paparazzi right in the face. Rumor has it, she just snapped on him out of no where for no reason. But the truth was that he kept asking Demi about her 'issues'."

He let out a deep breath and scratched at his chin where a small stubble of facial hair was seen, "Now he wants to sue her for everything she has. And on top of that, Demi hit her lead guitarist. Luckily enough, he isn't going to press charges but he did quit."

I knew something like that was going to happen. She was unpredictable and just out of hand. She had a lot of extra baggage that no one that was normal could even carry. She had the weight of the world on her shoulders and she never opened up to anyone.

I knew her problems ran deeper than drinking. At that time, I just didn't know exactly how deep her problems ran. If I knew what she got herself into at the time, I would have never ignored her. I would have never gave her the cold shoulder.

"So they are canceling her tour for now. They are putting her in an anger management program. When they see that she is ready to continue the tour they will release her from the program. But until then, she will be under supervision. Someone will have to literally follow her everywhere she goes."

I can only imagine how Demi is going to take the supervision. She hated people telling her what to do and she hated living under a magnifying glass. Everyone was going to be watching her every move now and I know it's only going to make matters worse for her.

"Demi is going to hate that." I told him pointedly, "She doesn't even like when her own mother tells her what to do so you can only imagine how she is going to act with someone basically following her and bossing her around."

Nick let out a whistle and shook his head, "She isn't going to be pleased but she needs the help. She is going down the same path she was awhile back before she went to rehab when she was a teenager." He frowned and his eyebrows furrowed together.

"I just don't get her sometimes." He shook his head in confusion, "She was doing so well and all of a sudden her addictions came back out of no where."

"Addiction is a mental illness, it's a daily struggle even for those who had help. It can take anything to trigger a relapse." I informed Nick who was in deep thought looking at his phone.

"I guess." He shrugged his shoulders, "I just wish I knew what triggered it."

Before our conversation could progress any farther, his phone went off in his hand, "I'm supposed to pick Demi up from the airport." He shoved his phone in his pocket, "You don't mind riding there before I take you home right?"

He is the only one who knows what happened between Demi and I. I would have told Taylor but she would just say she told me so. Nick was much more patient with me and Demi was his best friend. He has been the only one that's been there for me for support and he is the only one who understands Demi to a point.

I really wanted to see Demi honestly but I was still so pissed at her but more hurt than anything.

"Sure, just let me gather my things." Nick waited by the door for me as I began to gather my bag, "Age before beauty." He joked when he opened the door for me and in return, I smacked him in the chest.

...

"Would you stop following me?! Fuck!" I heard Demi scream out to some paparazzi's as her and Nick made their way to the SUV with another lady I assumed that was going to supervise her.

I heard many cameras going off and questions being thrown at Demi from the left and right. I heard it all because the back windows were let down so I could get some air.

A security guard opened up the backdoor for a sunglasses wearing Demi who was still cussing at the paparazzi. One fan that caught sight of Demi had enough guts to ask for her autograph. Surprisingly enough, Demi calmed down so she could sign the back of the girl's phone and take a picture with her.

More fans gathered around and security was pushing them back pissing Demi off. She loved her fans and they meant the world to her.

Demi signed as many autographs as she could while the paparazzi's were still snapping photos at her and asking questions, "Sorry you guys! I have to go! I love you all!" She shouted to the large crowd of fans before entering the SUV and sitting beside me.

I noticed a white cast on her arm and I was really curious as to how she ended up having to have it on her arm. Demi was the clumsiest person in the world so I wouldn't even doubt she fell on stage.

When the door closed, Nick rolled the windows up but not before Demi stuck her middle finger up at the paparazzi's.

"And that is exactly why you need anger management." The woman in the passenger seat said to Demi who just ignored her and looked out the window beside her as she tried to calm down her breathing.

I wanted to say so many things to her but I was honestly scared of her at the moment. She didn't acknowledge my existence and I wanted to do the same to her but I just couldn't with her.

I may be pissed and hurt because of her but that doesn't change the fact that I'm completely crazy about her. It's easier to be mad at someone you love when they aren't around, but when they are in front of you they effortlessly break any barriers you have against them.

I cautiously put my hand on top of her good one and that's when I felt that she was shaking from complete and total anger.

I was studying her face and reactions. She bit her bottom lip that quivered the second I touched her hand. She looked down at my hand on top of hers and I saw a faint smile spread across her lips.

She looked up at me as she turned her hand over so now we were palm to palm. We weren't exactly holding hands, just touching. She bit her lip again as she tried to fight off a smile.

"You're absolutely stupid for wanting to be this close to me." I didn't know if I should have felt insulted or not honestly.

"I'm not stupid. I'm just crazy when it comes to you." I admitted and in response she let out the cutest giggle, "Like I told you before, I have that effect on people unfortunately."

I saw Nick smile at me from the rear view mirror when I looked ahead, "How long have you known Demi?" The lady up front asked me curiously.

I looked at Demi confused as to why the lady was asking me questions. Demi just shrugged her shoulders before looking out the window again, "It has been nearly ten months." I answered her and I saw Demi smile from the corner of my eye when the woman wrote down something on her notepad she had in her hand.

"And how did you two meet?" She inquired and before I could answer, Demi beat me to the punch, "We had a mutual friend that wanted us to meet. And ever since that day, I've been in love with her ever since." I sensed her joking mannerism but oh how I wish she was being serious.

The woman's mouth flew open and she dropped her pen on the floorboard. Nick just looked at me questionably from the rear view mirror with a raised eyebrow, "We fuck all the time. You can write that in your notepad if you want. And after that you can turn it up sideways and shove it up your uptight ass."

Demi grinned at me cheekily when the woman scoffed and mumbled under her breath.

...

"Something is wrong. You're being way too quiet." Demi pointed out before chucking a pillow at me. She had a bad habit of using a pillow as a weapon so I've noticed.

Me and Demi were currently in my living room. I was surprised the woman who was supervising Demi allowed her to come over without being under watch. It took a lot of convincing on Demi's part and she wasn't going to give in until Nick told her that Demi was going to be okay with me but she had to call a taxi when she left.

I don't know how true that statement is. Would Demi be okay with me? I was still angry and my heart was hurting all because of her. The longer she stayed in my presence the more my heart ached.

I shook my head and tucked the pillow she threw at me under my arm, "Just got a lot on my mind." I admitted quietly.

She pursed her lips and looked at me. I seen that mischievously look in her eyes again. That look in her eyes only meant one thing.

_Trouble._

"I'll be more than willing to take your mind off it." She winked at me suggestively, "Get your mind out of the gutter."

She chuckled shaking her head, "If it wasn't for the the gutter my mind would be homeless. I mean it's like my mind lives in the gutter or some shit, it's always there."

If I wasn't so hurt over her taking advantage of me I would have laughed at her joke but I just couldn't find the strength or motive to laugh.

She threw another pillow at me when I continued to stay quiet, "The next thing I'm gonna throw at you won't be so soft.." She jokingly threatened getting up from my couch, "When I come back from the bathroom I expect you to have an attitude change because after all." She brushed her hair off her shoulders cockily with her better arm, "The best thing in your life is right in front of you." She gestured towards herself.

I raised an eyebrow at her in response and she mimicked, "You're so full of yourself if you believe that. And there is _nothing_ wrong with my attitude." I defended myself pathetically.

She _is_ the best thing in my life.

Her right eyebrow raised up even more and a small grin appeared across her lips, "And you're so full of shit if you believe _that_."

She slowly and teasingly strutted away with a slow sway to her hips, "Tease!" I yelled out to her and in response I got one of her famous loud laughs.

I sat in silence for a little while until I heard Demi cussing out loud when something crashed on to the floor.

After that it was completely silent, maybe I should have asked if she was alright but I didn't.

"Care to explain what this is?" Demi came in my view with a trash can.

"It's a trash can Demi." I told her like it was the most obvious thing ever even though I knew that she wasn't talking about the trash can.

She rolled her eyes at me before shaking the can causing all the bottles to rattle, "I'm talking about what's inside of it Selena."

She let out a frustrated sigh before taking a bottle out, "Explain this." She threw the empty bottle of laxatives at me and it landed in my lap.

I shrugged my shoulders and gave her a little smile, "Wipe that fucking smile off your face Selena!" She snapped causing a vein to visibly show in her neck, "This is serious!"

She paced around my living room mumbling incoherent words to herself and before I knew it, she threw the trashcan against the wall causing the bottles to fly out in the process.

She let out a deep shaky breath and stopped right in front of me. I was looking up at her with my hands laced together laying on my lap, "Are you done?" I asked her.

She glared at me and I was maybe imagining this but I seen some unshed tears in her eyes. She gestured towards me trying to speak but nothing came out of her mouth except quick breathing and sounds of frustration, "Why?" She asked in a whisper, "Why are you doing this to yourself?" Her voice cracked severely.

"Why do you even care?" The question slipped off my tongue and it was too late to take it back. I was looking up at her from my couch and I seen the moment an unknown emotion flickered in her eyes before anger took over again, "You have no right to ask me that Selena!" She screamed out at me and once again the vein popped out of her neck.

I wasn't scared of her, I knew she wouldn't hit me. She wouldn't stoop that low.

"I have every right to ask whatever I want ever since you thought you had the right to take advantage of me at Nicole's party." I countered calmly as I played with a loose string on my couch pillow.

"What the hell are you even talking about?" She questioned confused, "I have _never_ in these last ten months ever taken advantage of you."

I raised an eyebrow at her and pursed my lips, "So explain to me.." I rested my chin on the palm of my hand, "Why was I in my bed naked with a hickey on my boob?" I questioned, "The last thing I remember was being underneath you Demi."

I got up from the couch and stepped in front of her, "Imagine waking up naked and confused. I felt broken and completely used. Never in a million years would I even think someone I love as much as I do you would take advantage of me."

The moment realization hit her, I seen it. And it hit her hard.

"You think I took advantage of you?" She asked quietly and I heard a smidge of hurt evident in her voice.

I nodded my head and she let out a humorless laugh that sounded completely weak, "I'm glad you think so highly of me that you would think I would do that to you." She shook her head, "Or anyone for that matter, _especially_ you Selena."

She let out a weak scoff, "I'm out of here."

She brushed past me to grab her bag and when she brushed past me again, I grabbed her bad wrist and she winced in pain jerking her whole body back, "If you didn't take advantage of me then what the hell happened?"

She looked down at her bad arm and sighed, "You fell asleep on me before anything could happen. I wasn't going to push you to do anything, I was going to let you take it as far as you wanted it to go." She admitted still looking at her cast, "I put your dress back on and woke you up in the process. You were too weak to walk so I carried you to my car." She explained.

"When I got you home, you tripped up your stairs on your porch and pulled me down with you hence my broken arm. I ended up carrying you to bed because I didn't want you falling anymore. When we got to your bedroom, things started up again but I stopped it before it could happen. I have respect for you believe it or not. You acted like a complete stranger for two months, so no. You don't have the right to ask why I care."

She shook her head and I seen the tears in her eyes again, "I have never taken advantage of you Selena. I never meant for any of this to happen between us. I freaked out the first time we had sex because it was you Selena. It was _you_. I didn't want you to get dragged into my inconsistent shit. I freaked out because we had sex not because I stayed over." She admitted shocking me.

Me falling on the steps explains why I was sore the next morning. I felt like a complete asshole for ignoring her. She only took care of me that night of Nicole's party and I just treated her like shit, "You have gotten way too deeply involved with me. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I didn't mean for you to fall in love with a fuck up like me." Her voice shook with much emotion and I couldn't help but let out a whimper as my tears shed.

She gently rested her better hand on my cheek and wiped away the tears with her thumb, "You're not a fuck u-up." I sobbed out weakly, "I can't help but to fall in love with you over and over again every time I see you." I sniffled and she tilted my head down so she could kiss the top of it, "I'm insanely in love with you Demi. I don't know how to function without you." I sounded pathetic but I didn't care.

She kissed my head one more time, "You're about to learn how.." She pulled back confusing me, "What?" I questioned wiping my eyes, "I think we should spend some more time apart Selena. You're way too involved on an emotional level with me. I can't give you what you want and you know that. I already told you this before. I just can't do this to you Selena, you deserve more than what I can give you."

She backed up and my vision became blurry because of the tears filling my eyes, "Are you-Demi wait!" I tried stopping her from walking out the door but she ignored me and the second my own front door shut in my face I let out the most heart breaking cry.

I slid against my door sobbing, I could barely breathe. I had my arms wrapped around my legs, I felt so lost at that moment. I was a shaking and crying mess. It occurred to me that I was having a panic attack when I felt myself getting light headed as my cries intensified.

Her name rolled off my tongue repetitively, I was getting light headed by the second and my crying became hysterical.

Her name rolled off my tongue one last time before everything became black..

My second biggest regret now looking back? Allowing her to walk out the door-out of my life that heartbreaking night..

...

**Review Responses:**

**Guest282: Hi(: it's been awhile since I updated but hopefully you will know what I'm talking about when I respond to your review :D There a lot of things I want to do with this fic. It's just the matter of having extra time to write it. My hands are tied with soooo many things it's crazy. But I'll make time for this of course(: I'm glad you are enjoying it and I hope you are doing well. Thank you for reviewing! Take care.**

**Sharon1234:**** It has been awhile since I last updated so I'm gonna try not to confuse you with my response :D Demi has some issues in this story but nothing that can't be fixed :D thank you for reviewing! **

**DixieLovez: Hi :D it's been awhile since I updated :( ohhh well..I do celebrate Thanksgiving but I don't particularly like the holiday because I believe you should give thanks everyday..not just on Thanksgiving but oh well. Christmas is coming up, that's my favorite holiday because of all the lights and much more family time. And of course I get a break from college :D Anyways, I hope all is well! You take care of yourself. Thanks for reviewing! xx**

**Jay Shields: Sorry it took awhile to update! :( I was busy. But thanks for reviewing!**

**Guest: I'm glad you are loving it and I hope you approved of this chapter. Thank you for reviewing!**

**incase: Demi is just freaking awesome period. End of story :D Delena will happen soon. Hold on tight. Thank you for reviewing!**


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